I Don't Want To Go
by ninewood
Summary: Set after Waters of Mars, the Doctor has some help accepting what is about to happen to him.


I Don't Want To Go

* * *

"No, I refuse!" the Doctor growled as he slumped onto the jump seat and placed his feet on the console.

After the events on Bowie Base One, he had changed his outlook about how he dealt with things.

He was the last of the Time Lords, wasn't he?

He could simply do things his way from now on.

He never felt so empowered before.

But, the thought of his story ending soon filled him with a sense of dread and fear.

He wasn't ready to die and he was going to fight with all his might against the dying of the light.

"What is all this fuss, hmmmmmm?" a voice asked when he sat up and saw someone standing just on the other side of the console. Slowly, the Doctor got up then walked around to the other side of the console and the first Doctor looked at him, holding onto the top of his black cane.

"What?" the Doctor asked, walking closer then tapping his finger against the first Doctor's nose.

"I'm really here, my good fellow."

"But how is this possible? You're…"

"Yes, I'm dead but that doesn't mean I couldn't come see you before then, eh?"

"I guess but why are you here?"

"I am here to help you through this. Now, it is true that I still have things to do but regeneration is a part of what we are, hmmmmmm."

"But it's too soon. I've only been me for four years."

"I say, just be grateful that you're not being forced to regenerating like I was, dear fellow," a voice said when the Doctor turned around, seeing the second Doctor standing behind him. The Doctor's hearts ached as he thought about what happened to the second Doctor and he nodded.

"What are you doing here, you little clown?" the first Doctor asked.

"Call me that once more and I'll hit you with that cane!" the second Doctor said when the Doctor smiled and rolled his eyes.

"Gentlemen, please, let's not start this again," the Doctor said with a smile.

"I am sorry, my dear fellow, but he is right. Regeneration is a part of who we are and we shouldn't fight it."

"But I'm not ready!"

"None of us are," a voice said as the third Doctor appeared and the second Doctor rolled his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" he sighed and the third Doctor looked at him.

"I could ask you that same thing," the third Doctor said.

"I am here to help him come to terms with what is coming."

"I see," the third Doctor said with a suspicious look and the Doctor stepped between them, holding his hands up.

"Right, let's get back to me, eh?" the Doctor said. "I guess what scares me is how I'm feeling. I just broke some major rules of time travel and I'm worried about the repercussions of my actions."

"We all feel that way," a voice said when he turned around and saw the fourth Doctor behind him.

"Ah, see, this is what I mean. I bet the reason you lasted so long was because you refused to regenerate even though it was your time," the Doctor said and the fourth Doctor sighed.

"Yes, that was one of the reasons but, after awhile, I yearned for the release regeneration brought," the fourth Doctor said.

"As for breaking the rules, which one of us hadn't done that at one time or another?" a voice asked when the fifth Doctor walked around the console and the Doctor smiled at him.

"Wondered when you'd show up," he said and the fifth Doctor smiled.

"How could I not come to see my number one fan during his hour of need?" he asked with a wink and the other Doctors looked at them.

"What are you talking about?" the first Doctor asked and the fifth Doctor told them about what happened before the Doctor accidentally bumped the TARDIS into a space cruiser called the Titanic.

"Now, I know that you're at dark point but you also know that wanting to do things your way leads to a path none of us want to go down," the fifth Doctor said, placing his hands on the Doctor's shoulders and the Doctor looked down at their feet.

"I just want her back. I want all of them back. Everyone I had to say good-bye to. Susan, Ian, Barbara, Ben, Polly, Victoria, Jamie and Zoe…" the Doctor said with a sigh.

"Oh my giddy aunt, it would be nice to see Jamie and Zoe again. What the Time Lords did to them was totally uncalled for," the second Doctor said, shaking his head.

"What are you talking about? You got to see Jamie again or did I meet a different Jamie?" a voice asked and they looked at the sixth Doctor walking down the ramp that led up to the wardrobe room.

"It looks like I was wrong. You're not the clown. He is, hmmmmmm," the first Doctor said, pointing with the cane.

"Will someone shut the old gentleman up?" the sixth Doctor asked then walked to the Doctor and folded his arms in front of his chest. "Now, what is all this fuss about regenerating, eh? Don't you want to start over? It's about time, if you ask me."

"Oh, yes, we want a repeat of last time. At least there isn't anyone around for him to strangle!" the fifth Doctor growled and the sixth Doctor glared at him. Just as the sixth Doctor opened his mouth to say something, the second Doctor placed two fingers in his mouth and whistled.

"I say, this isn't the time for infighting. We are here to convince him that regeneration isn't something to be feared. It is a time for a new start. Who knows what the new Doctor will be like? He could be good or he could be evil. In the end, it is up to that Doctor to decide who and what he is," the second Doctor said.

"He does have a point. I didn't know who I was but I think I turned out ok," a voice said and the seventh Doctor walked out from behind the third Doctor.

"Heh, at least I never had worry about someone blowing up the TARDIS while they traveled with me," the sixth Doctor said and the seventh Doctor arched his eyebrow.

"Ace would never do that. And, besides, no one knows why you had to regenerate, do they?" he asked.

"It wasn't from stepping out of the TARDIS and getting shot by some juveniles as they drove by!" the sixth Doctor shouted while the seventh Doctor walked closer and locked eyes with him.

"That wasn't what caused it! Grace didn't know about our biology and…" he shouted back and the Doctor stepped in between them and gently pushed them apart.

"We all know what Grace did. The point is…Hold on a tick, where is he?" the Doctor asked as he looked around for the eighth Doctor.

"_He is in the art gallery," _the TARDIS said when they walked down the hallway and she moved the room closer to the control room. Walking inside, they walked by the paintings, statues and portraits when they found the eighth Doctor sitting on the floor with his legs bent to his chest and he looked up at the paintings of Gallifrey. Walking closer, the Doctor sat on the floor next to him and gently rubbed the eighth Doctor's back.

"I killed them," the eighth Doctor whispered, looking up at them.

"We don't blame you, my good fellow. We know that you had no other choice, hmmmmm," the first Doctor said but the eighth Doctor shook his head, tears streaming down his face.

"There is always another choice. I just wanted the war to be over. Now they're gone. They're all gone. I guess that's why I was ready to die. I wanted to be with my family and friends."

"But she wouldn't let you," a voice said as they looked into the shadows and the ninth Doctor walked toward them.

"No, she didn't," the eighth Doctor sighed, looking at the ceiling.

"Knew I had more to do, she did," the ninth Doctor said with a sad grin. "So, you, what's your excuse for all this moaning and groaning? I didn't die saving Rose so I'd turn into a needy wimp."

"I am not a wimp!" the Doctor shouted and the ninth Doctor snorted.

"Who left her off in that other universe with a carbon copy of himself? Me, I would have just dumped him and took her and Donna back here. Good riddance to bad rubbish."

"He can grow old with her and give her the life I could never have with her!"

"The point is, Mate, YOU LEFT HER!"

"Enough, this isn't helping matters!" the first Doctor shouted, thumping his cane on the floor and they looked down at their feet.

"For once, I agree with the old gentleman," the sixth Doctor said. "Tell us the truth. What is it that is preventing you from regenerating other than the fact that you're scared?"

The Doctor looked at them then thought about what was really worrying him and sighed, scratching the back of his neck.

"I guess what really scares me is that I think I'm slowly turning into him," the Doctor said.

"Who are you talking about?" the second Doctor asked.

"I am talking about the Valeyard. We all know about how I will turn into him sometime between now and my last life. Lately, I have been feeling all empowered and I'm scared that this new Doctor might become him. If I can put off regenerating until I calm down, let go of all this negative stuff inside my head, he won't become the Valeyard and I can go, knowing that everything will be ok," the Doctor said with a sigh and the fifth Doctor patted his back.

"I had the same feeling about…" he said, tilting his head toward the sixth Doctor. "But things turned out alright. Well, kinda, but you just have to have faith."

"I think I lost my faith when I lost Rose," the Doctor whispered. "She was all that kept me going sometimes."

"Do you think she would want you to be this way, Mate?" the ninth Doctor asked and the Doctor looked at him.

"No, she wouldn't. She would want me to be happy and go on as before," the Doctor said and the ninth Doctor nodded.

"Well, if that's the case, I think it's time to move on, hmmmmmmm?" the first Doctor said and the Doctor nodded. He watched as the other Doctors vanished until only he, the fifth Doctor and the second Doctor remained and he smiled at the second Doctor.

"Before I go, I think there is one more thing I need to fix," he said and the fifth and second Doctors looked at him with puzzled looks on their faces.

* * *

Space Station W3 – The Wheel

Zoe Herriot walked down the hallway while she looked at the reports when she stopped and looked at the man with black hair standing at the end of the hallway. She walked closer as the second Doctor sadly smiled and fought back the tears in his eyes.

"Hello," he said and she titled her head to one side.

"I know you, don't I?" she asked.

"Oh yes, but that was a long long time ago. Now, I hope you don't find this too forward," the second Doctor said when he slowly placed his fingers against her temples and closed his eyes. She gasped as the memories that had been locked away for over ten years came flooding into her mind and she blinked. He opened his eyes as they looked at each other then she wrapped her around his neck and hugged him.

"Oh, Doctor, is it really you?!" she asked and he nodded. "Where is Jamie?"

"Would you like to see him, my dear?" he asked and she nodded. "Then let's go say hello."

* * *

1746 - Inverness, Scotland

The nurse led the second Doctor and Zoe down the hallway as they looked around and she led them into a ward room. Zoe was shocked when she met the other Doctors but she was even more shocked at the sight of the wounded men in the beds. There was a mix of Redcoats and Highlanders lying under white sheets and some of the men were missing limbs. They walked to the curtain when the nurse nodded and they walked around the curtain, heading for the bed.

Jamie McCrimmon was lying on his back with bandages wrapped around his chest and right shoulder and the nurse looked at him then at the Doctor and Zoe.

"They found him lying a few feet from one of the Redcoats. It looks like he was able to kill him before they shot him," the nurse said.

"Who brought him here?" the second Doctor asked.

"Oddly enough, it was the Redcoat's commander. We still don't know why he saved his life but he's going to be just fine," the nurse said while the Doctor nodded and she walked away. Carefully, the second Doctor placed his fingers against Jamie's temples then closed his eyes and Jamie gasped, opening his eyes. He blinked a few times then looked at them and both of them sadly smiled at him.

"Jamie," the second Doctor said and Jamie grinned at him.

"Hello Jamie," Zoe said as he looked at her and held his hand out. She took his hand while the second Doctor poured some water into the cup from the table near the bed and helped Jamie take a sip of water.

"Doctor?" Jamie asked.

"Yes, Jamie?" he asked.

"Thank you," Jamie whispered and the second Doctor gently ruffled Jamie's hair.

"Any time, dear boy," he said and Jamie smiled.

"What are we going to do now?" Zoe asked.

"Well, I'm afraid that is something I don't know. You see, Zoe, I'm, well, I'm not really here. I'm more like a shadow from the past who's righting a wrong that was done a long time ago."

"I'm confused. Are you here or nae?" Jamie asked.

"Oh bother, this isn't going well. All I want either of you to know is that I've always cared deeply for both of you. You're like my son and daughter and I just wanted to give you back the missing pieces of your lives. Can you forgive me for what happened?" the second Doctor asked.

"Of course we can, can't we, Jamie?" Zoe asked.

"Aye," Jamie said, nodding.

"But we need to get Jamie out of here. I read up on what happened to the Highlanders after the battle of Culloden and you don't want that to happened to him, do you?" Zoe asked.

"No, I don't. But how are we going to get him out of here?" the second Doctor asked when the curtain moved back and the Doctor and the fifth Doctor appeared with a stretcher sitting between them.

"Leave that to me!" the Doctor said with a smile.

"Who are you?" Jamie asked.

"We're the Doctor," the Doctor said and Jamie looked at them with confused looks on his face.

* * *

"That went well," the Doctor said as the fifth and second Doctor stood next to him and he looked at the screens. After leaving Jamie with his laird in Paris and returning Zoe to the Wheel, the Doctor had brought the TARDIS into the vortex and checked Jamie's timeline. He was supposed to survive the battle of Culloden and went on to marry the daughter of a pub owner and the Doctor smiled, seeing a small portrait of an older Jamie on the screen.

"Yes, and I agree that was the right thing to do," the second Doctor said then slowly disappeared and the fifth Doctor looked at the Doctor.

"I guess it's my time to go," he said with a sigh.

"You're still MY Doctor," the Doctor said.

"And you are mine," the fifth Doctor said, tipping his hat then vanished. The Doctor stood with hands on the console as he thought about what they had said then smiled and patted the edge of the console.

"Guess it's time to go see Ood Sigma," he said then looked at the rotor. " after we have a little fun! Allons-y!"

With a flick of the main lever, he felt the TARDIS rumbling around him then sat down in the jump seat and smiled, placing his feet up on the console.

* * *

The End…..


End file.
